Yesterday and today have been relatively uneventful. Praise the Lord! I am taking two different types of antibiotics that are giving me some weird side effects, but I'm praying they are doing more good than harm! The steroid shots, to help develop the baby lungs, has made my head/face feel like it's on fire! I am hoping that goes away soon!
The food here is beyond awful, my showers are extremely cold, there's no such thing as uninterrupted sleep... This is no vacation, in fact most the time I feel like I'm locked in a prison!
I know everyday I remain pregnant is an accomplishment, so I am trying hard to fight back the tears and focus on the positive end goal.
The baby has been looking terrific on the monitors. No signs of distress, he has great accelerations in heart rate. He seems happy in there! I've had zero contractions, and the bleeding and leaking of amniotic fluid has lightened up today. From this alone, I know God is answering prayers. Thank you!
I met with a Neonatologist this afternoon to discuss the outlook on viability and such. I am so fortunate to be at hospital that has a level IV NICU. Survival rates of a 24 weeker is 70%. That's astonishing! Survival rates at 26 weeks is close to 90%. I am just blown away by those numbers. The only problem is, I can't rely on those statistics because "my case" is different. We won't know the affects on the baby's lung development due to the lack of fluid until the baby arrives. We also need to think about how much we would like done.... How far do we want the medical staff to go to keep our son alive?.... Do we want chest compressions? Do we want them to keep him alive long enough for us to see him, if they know his situation is fatal? As you can imagine this was a difficult conversation to have.
4 Weeks ago I would've never imagined I'd be here talking about the possibility of life for my son. Part of me feels like I am the one failing him. Everything about the baby is perfect. I am the one who had the hematoma, that caused the rupture. I am the one who keeps leaking fluid. I can't help but feel that I am the only thing preventing the possibility of life!
Thank you for your continued prayers.
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