Ezra is four weeks old! It's been a tough four weeks but his strength encourages us all to keep going.
Ezra was reintubated on Thursday due to air in his stomach causing problems. His belly had gotten so big and hard everyone was worried. It took 3 attempts to get the tube down. Inbetween each attempt they would bag him back up because his heart rate was down and he was blue. This was a 30 minute process, that felt like eternity. I was nauseated and numb the entire time. To hear him choke, gag, try to cry then turn blue was the worst experience of my life!!! I believe I told God I hate him 50 times during this period. Ezras vocal cords were swollen that is why it was hard for them to get the tube down.
The doctors want to leave him on the ventilator for one week. This will allow the air to get out of his intestines and give his brain another week to mature.
When I thought I had experienced trials before, I was wrong. To have our faith put down to the grinding wheel has been tough. I doubt God everyday, like I said earlier I told Him how much I hate him at one point! I'm ashamed to admit I'm failing this test miserably! Apparently my love is conditional, where he reminds me His love is unconditional. We live in a sin filled world and I get to witness the affects of it on my baby firsthand. My husband reminds me often at how much worse this situation could be, sometimes I find that hard to believe, but I know he's right. No one wants to see their child suffer! I'd exchange my life for his a million times over if The Lord would allow. If I could see the end from the beginning I know God's glory would be revealed in these times of heavy turmoil. It's walking by complete faith and trust that has been truly difficult. It's easy to say "I Believe" when truly I should be saying "Help my Unbelief!"