Saturday, May 24, 2014

4 Weeks Old

Ezra is four weeks old! It's been a tough four weeks but his strength encourages us all to keep going.  
Ezra was reintubated on Thursday due to air in his stomach causing problems. His belly had gotten so big and hard everyone was worried. It took 3 attempts to get the tube down. Inbetween each attempt they would bag him back up because his heart rate was down and he was blue. This was a 30 minute process, that felt like eternity. I was nauseated and numb the entire time. To hear him choke, gag, try to cry then turn blue was the worst experience of my life!!! I believe I told God I hate him 50 times during this period. Ezras vocal cords were swollen that is why it was hard for them to get the tube down.
The doctors want to leave him on the ventilator for one week. This will allow  the air to get out of his intestines and give his brain another week to mature.
When I thought I had experienced trials before, I was wrong. To have our faith put down to the grinding wheel has been tough. I doubt God everyday, like I said earlier I told Him how much I hate him at one point! I'm ashamed to admit I'm failing this test miserably! Apparently my love is conditional, where he reminds me His love is unconditional. We live in a sin filled world and I get to witness the affects of it on my baby firsthand. My husband reminds me often at how much worse this situation could be, sometimes I find that hard to believe, but I know he's right. No one wants to see their child suffer! I'd exchange my life for his a million times over if The Lord would allow. If I could see the end from the beginning I know God's glory would be revealed in these times of heavy turmoil. It's walking by complete faith and trust that has been truly difficult. It's easy to say "I Believe" when truly I should be saying "Help my Unbelief!" 

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Prayers For Ezras Tummy

We'd like to thank everyone who came out to the fundraiser or sent cards for Ezra! You lifted our spirits! We needed a night of fun, laughter and fellowship! Thank you!!
Monday was another rough day for Ezra. His tummy continues to fill up with air, which compresses his lungs and then he destats. We arrived at  the hospital to find his room filled with a whole medical team. They tried trialling Ezra off the big cpap machine, called nippv, to just plain ol` cpap. It didn't go so well. Then they inserted a bigger tube down into his stomach to release the air. We are praying this works, because the alternative options carry too many risks.
Trying to continue on with "normal life", has been challenging. It's hard to even smile knowing our baby lies miles away and is facing so many struggles. While shopping at the store, we received a phone call from the Nenonatologist. Those calls always make our hearts sink. He just explained how Ezra was having a difficult day with the air in his belly. Immediately I feel the guilt of not being there with him. It's a fine balancing act of being mom to the kids at home and to our sweet baby at the hospital. 
If you could specifically pray for Ezra's tummy we'd greatly appreciate it! 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

3 Weeks Old

Ezra received his second blood transfusion and has stabled out. He's having less bradycardia episodes! The cpap machine he's on is filling his little tummy with air, and causing quite the discomfort. Please pray for him to be comfortable, it aches my heart to see him so agitated and uncomfortable.
We had quite the scare yesterday, as I was placing him back in bed, along with the nurse, his cpap machine turned off. The back-up battery didn't kick on either. Luckily little Ezras lungs were doing great and were able to takeover the full load by himself! It took a few minutes to get the machine back up and running. We just kept saying how thankful we were he wasn't on the ventilator (the machine breathing completely for him), that would've been real bad! just reaffirms we can't rely 100% on medical technology! But we can rely 100% on God!
While switching over to a new machine I was able to snap a few pictures of his precious face!.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Life More Abundantly

Like I said yesterday, we are thankful for the good days,because when the bad days hit  our hearts drop into our stomachs and peace flies out the window.
We received a call early this morning that Ezra spit up his feeding, then choked on it. This episode obstructed his airway, dropped his heart rate and he needed to be "bagged" by the nurse. Thankfully, his chest x-ray was clear, so no fluid went into his lungs.
We live an hour away from the hospital, have 5 other children and my husband has to continue to work, which means I can't just go to the hospital when things like this happen! Absolutely the worst feeling in the world, to know my baby stopped breathing, and I can not be there with him. 
Our faith is being tried and tested. We specifically pray for angels to surround his room and bring peace and healing to Ezra. When things like this happen, makes me stop and wonder, were their angels there last night? Is God going to completely heal him and bring him home to us? Just what Satan wants us to do, question Gods goodness.
Multiple times a day I pray that God would give Ezra life, life more abundantly like He promises! 
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

2 1/2 Weeks Old

Ezra had a great day yesterday, which we are so thankful for! His heart echo showed his PDA is now tiny. They are going to continue watching it for now.
Ezra's lungs come down past his 8th rib, they'd like his lungs to expand past his 9th rib. We are hoping the pressure of the cpap machine will do the trick and expand the lower part of his lungs.
It has been a week since we heard him cry (due to the ventilator) and yesterday he let the whole room know when he was not happy. We were told by one of his nurses that when Ezra is in a soiled diaper he'll let the world know about it! He is feisty, just like his older brothers! They keep calling him a fighter! Which is what we need him to continue doing, fighting......
I am loving my 2-4 hour kangaroo holding sessions everyday! Ezra loves it too! His oxygen requirements drop and he becomes more stable during this time Those hours seem to fly by way too fast! We are anxiously anticipating the day when we don't have to put him back into his hospital bed. 
God continues to sustain us! 

Sunday, May 11, 2014


Ezra's First Attempt at Pacifier

Ezra Is Back on CPAP

When I was told to prepare for the roller coaster ride that the NICU brings I didn't know that meant we would be dragged behind the roller coaster! Friday I was told by one Neonatologist that he was not "thrilled" with Ezra's stats and oxygen requirements. He plainly said Ezra was not ready to come off the vent anytime soon. Saturday another Neonatologist wanted to wait until Monday when we get the results back from Ezras third heart echo, to see if the PDA is completely closed and then consider weaning him off the vent. Today a third Neonatologist saw Ezra and decided today was the day to take him off the vent! Once Ezra was extuabted the real roller coaster began. Ezra wasn't sure if he wanted to breathe on his own in the beginning, then his blood gases came back and were pretty bad. They decided to increase his cpap pressure, increase his oxygen and place him on his belly. He then started doing a lot better and his blood gases were slowly improving. Now we wait and see how he does. We are praying for strength for his tiny lungs to continue doing their job! We are also praying the PDA would be closed! 
In the past 4 days Ezra has gone from 1lb 11oz to 2lbs 2oz! We are watching him closely to make sure it's not just water weight. 
This Mother's Day has been filled with tears of joy and tears of fear for our sweet little guy! 

Wednesday, May 7, 2014


At 19 1/2 weeks my water was confirmed to be broken by my doctor. He quickly sent us to Spectrum Health where we had a team of surgeons (oncology, urology, and gynecology) standing by to preform a total hysterectomy due to the diagnosis of placenta percreta. The car ride to the hospital was filled with silent prayers for help! To shorten the story, the Lord spared the baby and I from that surgey! We were sent home a few days later to sit and wait for labor to begin. Days turned into weeks as we continued to pray for help! One night as I was praying for help, the Lord brought me to the name of Ezra which means help in Hebrew.  So when we were praying for help all along, we were actually praying for our sweet Ezra by name.
While on hospital bedrest my kids came to visit one evening. We were discussing names, as my husband and I secretly told no one of the plans to name him Ezra, my eight year old son asked to name the baby Daniel. He proceeded to tell us that the baby is going to need to be courageous just like Daniel was. As our hearts melted, we knew we had the perfect name for our miracle, Ezra Daniel.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

We Got to Snuggle Today!

Ezra has had a relatively peaceful couple of a days, which we are sooo thankful for!! He received his first blood transfusion on Sunday. He also was diagnosed with PDA (abnormal blood flow that occurs between two of the major arteries connected to the heart). Ibuprofen will be given to him 3 times in hopes to close the PDA. He has a follow-up heart echo on Wednesday. Please pray with us  that it closes with the medicine, that way we can avoid surgery.

We keep hearing how feisty little Ezra is from the nurses. We also keep hearing what a miracle he is to have survived with little to no amniotic fluid for 6 weeks. His lungs still developed, and look good on x-ray. My test results came back and there was no infection, white blood cells, found in the placenta. They don't like patients to go longer than 24 hours being ruptured due to infection. So the fact I lasted 6 weeks is truly a miracle of God.  
I got to spend two hours doing skin to skin time with Ezra today!!! He did great and kept his temperature up the whole time! As long as he stays stable I can snuggle with him once a day! :) Thank-you for the prayers, they are being answered!
Tomorrow I'll share how we came up with Ezra's name....

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Ezra was Intubated

Ezra has had a rough couple days, and our fears of him being intubated have become a reality.  We were told this is for the best. "Give his body a break"... "He needs to rest." These are the comments we keep getting. We know he's been fighting hard, and selfishly we want him to continue fighting and breathing on his own, but that's not the plans laid out right now. I'm angry and numb all at the same time. I keep asking God when is enough ENOUGH?! Haven't we been thru the fire? Isn't it time for the blessings to start pouring in? Instead I feel like everyday is a step backwards. I'm thankful my husband has been so positive thru this. Because I'm not. I'm a wreck, and Ezra deserves parents that are strong and willing to fight just like he's been doing.
Ezra had a head ultrasound yesterday morning to check for brain bleeding. That came back fine. His bloodwork came back normal. We are thankful for this news. I know this situation could be so much worse, but yet I'm still having a hard time finding peace with my little boy being hooked up to machines breathing for him. Just doesn't bring me comfort.
Please pray with us (for us, some moments I can't even pray), that his body would find rest with being ventilated. But that this also wouldn't last long. 

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Opened Eyes and Kangaroo Time!

Yesterday was a day filled with mixed emotions. Early morning we were informed the PICC line was attempted 3 times. One time almost hitting Ezra's spine. After all three failed attempts tape was pulled off Erza's ankle and it ripped his skin right off! My heart aches knowing how much pain that has caused him! But the day ended with me being able to hold him for the first time!!! Oh what a beautiful moment. I was so nervous, I think I forgot to breath at certain times during our Kangaroo time. After an hour and half we had to part ways, and put him back in his incubator. We then noticed his temperature dropped too low, so now I am banned from holding him until he gains some more wight. He needs to tack on 3 more ounces and then we can try again. 
Ezra is still on cpap and oxygen (23-34% depending on what position he's laying in). He's been having a few brady episodes (he randomly forgets to breathe, and his heart rate and oxygen level drop significantly) with these episodes he requires a bit of touch and stimulation, to be reminded to take a breath. It's very scary to witness this! 
His blood gases continue to improve! His hematocrit and red blood count is a little low. We are praying he builds new cells fast, to avoid a blood transfusion. 
He's fighting the fight and doing such a great job!
Please pray for continued strength. That God's angels would fill his room and keep him safe! The tape holding his PICC line in would not rip off anymore skin. He would gain those 3 ounces fast, so mom can hold him again! Good blood gas, and blood levels. No more brady episodes. Complete healing of his little body and lungs!