Sum of Suffering

We finish out the crazy, eventful week with your brother Graham taking a trip to the ER. He burned his fingers on our treadmill. He was in a lot of pain but such a trooper just like you are.

So after days of heavy news, we are rewarded with good news. The pulmonologist wanted an echo of your heart. She was afraid you've developed pulmonary hypertension. The doctor called and said it was the best looking heart and pulmonary function he's seen in a while! Praise The Lord!

The pulmonologist believes you just need more time to grow healthy lung tissue. The problem is, you are growing older and the cpap mask is bothersome and developmentally not good for you. We have a few more weeks to wait things out before we have to make any BIG decisions regarding your respiratory care.  On Monday the doctors along with mom and dad will adress whether we should begin another course of steroids.

More than anything, we just want to bring you home. You are getting to be pretty fussy and it's hard for me to think about what happens when I'm not there. Are you being held? Are you being soothed? Do you cry all night? 

104 days and I'm still trying to grasp a hold of an answer from God, why so much suffering. I don't think I'll ever get a clear cut answer. 

It's  hard to park the car only to see a Dad weeping in the parking garage. It's hard to find a mom sobbing in the elevator. It's hard to see a room empty today when you know yesterday it was filled with many doctors.

There is no such thing as a sum of suffering, for no one suffers it. When we have reached the maximum that a single person can suffer, we have, no doubt, reached something very horrible, but we have reached all the suffering there ever can be in the universe. The addition of a million fellow-sufferers adds no more pain. - C.S. Lewis

But there is One who has had to carry all our pains and sorrows. Christ suffered. To think God took on flesh and had to endure our suffering, gives me hope that God is Love. And an enemy has done this. 

'Knock and it shall be opened.' But does knocking mean hammering and kicking the door down like a maniac? -C.S. Lewis

We are continuing to plead for complete healing.  Sometimes the knocking is kicking like a maniac. But God understands all to well the pain and suffering we are feeling.

What a glorious day that will be when there will be no more tears, no more pain. 

Xoxo,

Mom