Oh Sweet Child,
How I wish this night would've went better. My heart aches to have to think about you not being able to come home today. It's 3am and I just left to go home. I've been stressed all night because starting at 8pm you didn't want to eat your bottle. You just gagged and choked, then cried. I just didn't understand what was going on. All day you ate your bottles, just didn't make sense. We had the doctor come in and look you over. He thought maybe you were getting sick, or you possibly had thrush. All your blood work came back normal. So he started you on a medication for your thrush. About 15 minutes later you dropped your heartrate into the 70s! You recovered just fine. Then 11pm rolls around and we try to feed you again. Nope, weren't having it. Just cried and cried. We then realized the nutritionists changed your supplement. (I'm pretty sure they hate me! There's no other explanation on why they would change this hours before discharge!) This new supplement started at your 8pm feeding. I asked to nurse you instead. You nursed perfectly! So we concluded you don't like the taste of that supplement! Now I'm a nervous wreck that you can't come home tomorrow. Your heart rate is hoovering so low, you're on a new medication for thrush. We have so much going against us now. Apparently the Lord thinks I'm stronger than I am because I am loosing it. Feels like I got the best gift only to be ripped away. I can't believe how hard Satan is working to keep you from coming home. You must be one special boy the Lord had raised up for His kingdom!
We surrender all to the Lord. I want you to come home, but I also want you to be healthy and safe. We will wait upon the Lord for that time. But my heart still aches.
Love you more than you know!
Xoxo,
Mom
I can't even imagine what you must be feeling. I too have a large family (7 kids and counting), and at times like this I always find comfort in telling myself and my children that God must be protecting us from something..maybe an accident on the car ride home, some sort of problem at home, a sickness that would have been much more difficult to handle wherever we were instead of where we were stuck being. Somehow it always helps me to think that a setback is an act of His holy protective angels. Today is a new day, and so is tomorrow. It will be soon.
ReplyDeleteOh Lauren, how my heart aches for you! You said, " I want you to come home, but I also want you to be healthy and safe" and I can remember having the same thoughts as we waited for our baby to come home from the NICU. Stay strong and many prayers are headed your way!
ReplyDeleteI love you, Lauren!! I am so sorry for this setback! What a sweet baby, nursing from his mama, though. Soon it will be in a comfy chair at home!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for this set back! He will be home soon. Keep your eyes on Him!
ReplyDeleteGod is Big, God is Good. God allows up to question. Lauren, in Gods strength he will get you through.
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